13 Wicked Days Of Christmas With Mark Henry
WLP: Welcome to Writings of a Wicked Book Addict, Mark. Great to have you here!
MH: Thanks! Glad to be here!
WLP: Since this is that oh so special season, what has been the worst gift you’ve ever received?
MH: Once, at a work party–one of those where you steal gifts from each other and inevitably end up with crap you try to ditch in the host’s trash before you leave–I received an old-fashioned enema bag, hose, nozzle, the whole shebang. It did make an interesting beer bong, though, but that’s another story entirely.
WLP: What about the best gift you’ve ever given?
MH: My wife and I hired a commercial photographer for our wedding because we wanted everything to look candid, yet posed. Think magazine ads—and we were really happy with the result. but then, they just sat in a box for ten years. Sure, some made the album (also in a box) and one is in a frame, but other than that nada. So for our 10-year anniversary, I got two shadow-boxes and made these really cool combinations of the sepia tone shots with pearl stick pins and grosgrain. Trés Martha Stewart and shit. She loved it.
WLP: What do you think is the WORST Christmas song ever recorded?
MH: That would have to be Christmas Conga by Cyndi Lauper. Normally fun, vivacious and daring, Cyndi is completely uninspired with this holiday abortion, she even sounds bored singing it, but not half as bored you’ll be if you pick up this piece of crap.
WLP: Do you have any holiday traditions?
MH: Yep. Every year we drag our roach butts to Midnight Mass with the rest of the sinners and pray that we’re not dragged straight to hell from the pews, then we head home and revert to the gluttonous heathens we are, gorging ourselves on prime rib, excessive gifts (with more wrapping than a Japanese grocery store) and, of course, kinky sex, and by “kinky sex” I mean holding our over stuffed guts and groaning (so if you’re into that then take the image to the toilet with you and have at it). But seriously, I love the holidays and we tend to do it up.
WLP: Moving on to your books, you have two books coming out in 2010, Battle of the Network Zombies & the mass-market paperback reissue of Happy Hour of the Damned. Can you tell us about them?
MH: Well, if I’m talking about the books in general, they’ve been called urban fantasy, but they’re really urban fantasy’s sick and wrong bitchy cousins. Battle of the Network Zombies is the third book in the Amanda Feral zombie comedy series. In this one, Amanda continues to battle her conscience (she likes to think she has one), hits the skids and must take a miserable role in a reality show (American Minions, which was the working title of the book). This one is, at least, 50% dirtier than the last two, possibly 75% more. Okay, I’m lying, it’s 200% more filthy than either Happy Hour of the Damned or Road Trip of the Living Dead.
Speaking of, Happy Hour of the Damned, it’s being reissued in mass market paperback at the end of January (so it’s technically a February release). I’m hoping it takes off in that format, because otherwise…thwack! Yep folks, that’s the sound of the axe coming down, and not the panty-dropping result of Axe Body Spray, as I’d much prefer. So go out and buy! Hit my website for instructions on how to get the books personalized to increase your zombie smut pleasure!
WLP: I’ve read that you are writing a YA set in the same world as Amanda, how’s that coming along? Any idea when that will be out?
MH: Actually, the world is completely different. YA and Amanda’s world REALLY don’t go together, the vulgarity and irreverent humor are a bit too much. Also, it’s not a novel that’s been sold, though I have a short story in a YA anthology coming out soon that’s set in the same world. Under a pen name. It seems that the third Amanda book, how shall I say, stretches the limits of good taste to the point that my adult fantasy writing persona, would not be welcome in the YA world. Muhahaha!
WLP: I’ve also read that you are writing Erotica? Can you share anything about that?
MH: That is so undercover, I’m not going to say a thing. Shhhh.
WLP: What’s up with the tweeting of movies? You must enlighten my readers about Monsturd!
MH: LOL. Monsturd was this crazy—and I mean crazy—flick about a monster turd. I’m addicted to Twitter anyway, and occasionally, when things like Monsturd fall into my lap (or out of the back of my pants), I’m compelled to microblog the shit out of it. All in good fun, of course.
WLP: What do you think is your biggest vice?
MH: Food. No question. It’s my crutch, my stress relief. I used to smoke a pack a day and quit four years ago, cold turkey. Unfortunately, I can’t do the same with food. So my weight fluctuates, I have to exercise, diet and inevitably I falter and overeat, which begins the cycle again. Ugh.
WLP: Favorite book of 2009?
MH: Definitely Boneshaker by Cherie Priest. Zombies, steampunk and a really compelling heroine. Everyone should pick this book up, immediately. I mean. Right. Now. Some other stuff I’ve loved: When You Are Engulfed By Flames by David Sedaris, hilarious personal essayist and New Yorker regular, Red Headed Stepchild by Jaye Wells and Tempest Rising by Nicole Peeler (love both of these ladies in person and am so relieved to say that I can hear their voices with such clarity in their work).
WLP: Yesterday, Dakota Cassidy had the chance to ask YOU a question: Darling Mark, do you think I’m prettier than Jaye Wells and Nicole Peeler? Love, Dakota J
MH: Oh Dakota, you don’t need anyone to tell you you’re pretty, self-esteem comes from within. It makes my heart hurt for you that you have to ask. Sigh.
WLP: Tomorrows guest is Nicole Peeler. It’s your turn to ask Nicole ANYTHING and she has to answer!
MH: You often wear fascinators in your luscious red hair, now, if they made fancy fabulous fascinators for the snootch, what would yours look like?
WLP: Thanks for stopping by Mark, this has to be one of my most memorable interviews to date!
CONTEST ALERT!!
Mark has offered up 2 advance copies of Happy Hour of the Damned (MMPB) to 2 lucky readers. All you have to do is:
+1 Comment on this blog about anything relating to this interview
+1 For being a Follower of this blog
+1 for tweeting about this interview/contest
Don’t forget to visit Mark on his Website because we NEED to save Amanda!
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Hi
It was such fun! A Mark Henry YA sounds likes a must read! Thank you to Mark for sharing here. I wonder what Nicole’s answer to Mark’s question will be?
Thank you for the irreverent & informative interview. I enjoyed learning a bit more about Mark and his writing.
Happy Holidays,
RKCharron
PS – Follower & Tweeted about this great interview.
That Sepia shadowbox xmas gift – WHAT would Amanda say? LOL. Fun interview; color me extremely curious about that erotica. Happy 13 days peoples.
Oh, Mark. While I agree Christmas Conga makes me want to puncture my own ear drums, I have to disagree that it’s the worst Christmas song ever. John Denver’s Please, Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas gives Lauper a run for her money.
I really enjoyed the interview. It was very informative and interesting. I enjoy learning about the authors I read. Great answers Mark!!
follower
Yep, Jaye. Denver definitely miscarried that little number right into the toilet. Still… You expect Cyndi to be fun and quirky and entertaining, not like she was performing at gunpoint.
Ugh.
And Carolyn – the erotica is dark and dirty, I’ll tell you that.
Totally. I made the mistake of looking it up on iTunes and now I have blood dripping down my cheeks. Thanks for that.
Mark, I always look forward to your interviews!!
Happy Holidays to you, and I hope that the New Year brings much goodness of all types to you and yours.
I still love ML’s face in that picture. She’s like, “I am trapped in an Elevator du Crazy.”
And I’m still hot to trot for Monsturd. Ohhhh yes.
This just made my day. Seriously. I spit tea across the dining room table at the question you asked Nicole.
I can always count on Mark to make me giggle.
If there is anything we do not expect John Denver to be, that is quirky and entertaining.
Shadowbox? I have an idea or two what Amanda might say, none of them would be favorable to Mark’s masculinity. I wonder if that would count as self-immolation? Interesting topic for another time I suppose.
As an outsider I will have to agree with Mark though. Battle of the Network Zombies is vastly dirtier than the other two. I was surprised my wife made it through the first two. I thought she would have been out at the first feeding scene. If she finishes this one I may actually be afraid of her.
Although Mark is the reason I cannot eat corn on the cob any longer… Thanks Mark!
buahaha I love love funny evil authors and you seem to get so many WLP! :p Great interview… Mark and my hubby would get along fabulously I have a feeling.
+1 Comment on this blog about anything relating to this interview
+1 For being a Follower of this blog
+1 for tweeting about this interview/contest
Worst Xmas song ever? Not so much! You can all be lucky that my mother didn’t gift you with the wonderful collection of modern Xmas carols performed by our local youth choir. So not good for my ears! And now I have to play this thing damn thing every time she visit in December.
And I so want Monsturd now. Mmmh…I know what bf gets for Xmas.LOL
Loved this post!
I’m a follower and I tweeted the post here: http://twitter.com/Susi_Sunshine/status/6698942229
I’m comfortable with my craftiness, Joe. Why…oftentimes you can find me quilting in between sessions of carpet munching.
*let the spittakes* continue.
Hold the phone. How has Zombie Joe already read Battle of the Network Zombies? Hmm? I think I know what you’re getting me for Christmas.
Cut a zombie some slack. I won a contest. I think it was a Bitten by the Bud contest or some such. Consider my awesome story about using Red Headed Stepchild as a bird deflector. That has to be some sort of awesome holiday giftin’… You can’t make that shit up!
You quilt your own erotic lingerie and when you are done hold them up and declare, “It’s a good thing?”
Jaye – You’ll be getting your usual lumps of coal!
P.S. Joe won it fair and square.
Well, I tweeted and I followed- so here’s my comment for +3…Anytime I read anything by Mark Henry, he makes me laugh. It’s not a hard thing to do, since I am generally a cheery person, but he makes me laugh so hard that I move from giggles to snorts. Good man, good writer…now, please send me some books
More of a contest related comment, but one I think needs to be addressed.
If possible you can count me out of the contest. I have a copy of the book already.
I am only hear because I was instructed to come here and heckle. Sort of like a roast – without all the wonderful alcohol. Oh, and Lisa Lampinelli…
This is the sort of thing Mark knits:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/swampcrone/2122908242/
Wow… I bet it was a pain to figure out which yarns to use in order to minimize chafing. Of course I am not sure if it is expected or frightening you just pulled that one up so quick…
OMG Cock Cozies!!! You’re going to make my best friend Kevin, VERY happy this X-mas.
Zombie: The chafing is part of the fun! And you should know by now that
I have a multitude of weapons in my arsenal. And you can put which over those words
into quotations marks you choose.
Mark: Every man deserves a warm, protected cock-n-ballz. Especially this Kevin you speak of.
1) Nice cop-out answer on the question from Dakota Cassidy
2) Doesn’t it suck how you can’t just quit food? It’s sort of like telling a smoker, oh no, you still have to smoke, you just won’t enjoy it anymore because to make it healthy, we sucked all the fun stuff out of cigarettes. Quit smoking? No, didn’t you hear me? If you quit smoking entirely, you die. Have a nice day =)
3) I hope the YA finds a home. I <3 YA
Best of luck with book 3 and the re-release
Great interview!
However, I must completely disagree with you about the aforementioned “Christmas Conga.” If one drinks enough special eggnog, the song transcends its own lyrics, music, and vocals to propel the listener into a sort of Christmas Nirvana. If you have not learned to appreciate this, the answer is simple. Drink harder.
So anyway, I remember reading about Amanda. What sticks in my mind is when she flags down this dirty-sock-wearing guy with the promise of some mad hot frolicking. But then she eats the dude and his hombres, leading me to think: “This isn’t a Paranormal Romance because that certainly wasn’t a Happily Ever After!” After I finished weeping into my ginger ale, I had a greater appreciation of a zombie’s trials and tribulations.
Other than the poor dirty sock guy though, pure Good Times.
I’m a follower and been looking forward to his latest read, count me in! tWarner419@aol.com
You know, come to think of it, I seem to remember an unfavorable opinion Amanda mentioned on Dungeons and Dragons players. Heeeeeeey… lol
Fucking blue ballers and their leather dusters. She eats them when she gets the nibbles.
I suppose. They probably taste like pizza and Doritos.
She probably also gets a hella caffeine buzz from all the Mountain Dew and Jolt Cola they drink.
Mmm. Mountain Dew.
Sup M-Money? Your mission today, is to beat Dakota in the comments. Especially since everytime someone says balls, my site gets viagra spam. WTF.
Well why did you go an say that? Now you know that at least every other post will be something about balls.
I suppose Mark’s comment on Blue Balls gave a double hit for the little blue pill and the balls. Holy crap! Is Smilin’ Bob stalking your blog?
LMAO its always the blue pills, but today its outta control!
The gift to his wife is absolutly a wonderfull idea!!!!
Good luck on the upcoming book!!!!
Balls balls balls! WHEEE!!!!!!
You were supposed to email me about something today. There I reminded you.
Balls. Cheese Balls. Mmm
Cheese balls. MMMMMM. And I will. Once I get this chapt written.
aight.
Balls.
I suppose it should not shock me that it was Nicole Peeler that busted out with chanting balls. Just wait until it is her turn! I will have some time to work on material before then. lol
Balls!
I want to read Mark’s books so much! I think I just pulled something from laughing so hard…
Now I need to go smoke and then eat something.
I’m new to this blog, but am now a follower!
ZOMBIES that is really all anyone should have to say when talking about your books Mark. If that doesn’t make them wanna read it, then their brains should be eaten…
+1 [new] follower
+1 tweeted: http://twitter.com/lexilewords/status/6704613609
+1 This was probably the most hilarious and witty interview I have ever read. Mark Henry rocks! I will definitely go out and buy the reissue of Happy Hour of the Damned.
+1 For being a Follower of this blog
I’ve been spoutin’ off that we’re talkin’ about balls over here, so I figure we better.
Which to you prefer, wrinkly or EXTRA WRINKLY?
If you’ve read Road Trip of the LIving Dead, then you know Amanda would prefer they be hidden behind a crocheted ball cozy (thanks Nicole) lest they foul her vision and make her gag.
Go on…Discuss.
Ohh Ohh 7 more unique views and you beat DC for views! Muahah.
My readers are night owls, so they’ll be here tonight.
Personally, I’d prefer balls to be covered too, but less wrinkly is better than very wrinkly.
+1 I love it when Mark has an interview! always entertaining! Especially with Nicole and Jaye and Zombie Joe here too! Love it! Good luck with the ball chanting!
Mark why are you always the one expected to beat comment records?
+1 For being a Follower of this blog
I want my balls extra crispy……Love you bitches…….
Mark Henry never fails to make me pee myself. Great interview! I will be watching for his new stuff. What was the pen name, or it that secret. I think it is should be like Willobe Hung or something like that.
follower
tweeted http://twitter.com/EllzReadz/status/6706136092
mmmm. boneshaker sounds good! i love zombies, too!
+1 i follow you site<3
+1 twittered: http://twitter.com/nikkisoflyy/status/6707818972
Happy Hour of the Damned has been on the top of my to buy list. I can not wait to read it!
I really enjoy Mark’s interviews. He’s very funny.
Just bought Happy Hour of the Damned for my trainer. Her and her sick, sick husband will both enjoy it.
Well thank the sweet baby jesus. Sell! Sell! Sell!
Marks comment about the holiday tradition of going to midnight mass made me laugh. My mother and I used to go to mass every Sunday. After mass was over (with me behind the steering wheel), I would be cussing at the parishoners in my way! Yeah, RIGHT AFTER MASS and I’m cussing like a sailor! Needless to say, we longer attend mass together….
I am a follower.
Thanks,
Tracey D
booklover0226 At GMAIL dot COM
Cute answer to Dakota.
Follows and tweeted it! http://twitter.com/BooksThings/statuses/6711595249
My deepest apologies dearest Mark, but I have yet to enjoy any of your stories. =( However, after this you’ve def. been added to the TBR Pile!
Blog Follower!
Blessed Be!
+1 Food is a stressor for me too. However, I go the opposite way. I eat very little when stressed.
+1 I’m a follower
+1 I tweeted at http://twitter.com/jone402/status/6714715227
I’m just sad, that only one person answered my question.
::sobs::
Am I allowed to answer? LOL
LOL. Feel free.
balls are balls, regardless of wrinkles. They just aren’t cute.
Men look best dressed IMHO. Men dingle and dangle too much!
I am going to second WLP on this one. wrinkles or not… still not attractive.
I have to pass completely on the balls. So keep ‘em, and I’ll stick with my lady.
LOL. You and me both!
“MH: You often wear fascinators in your luscious red hair, now, if they made fancy fabulous fascinators for the snootch, what would yours look like”
Ok, I give! What the heck is a snootch? =)
It’s a cross between a cooch and a snatch. And it’s all about leaving Nicole in a pickle!
Oh Dear!
Don’t cry bitch……it’s not manly…..
Always fab to see ya Mark. Did you hear that Pride, Prejustice, & Zombies is being made into a movie? I’m waiting to pre-order my ticket.
I heard Natalie Portman was starring and producing and that is was going to be a TV miniseries.
Let me see…first, ummm Mark I didn’t know you were a romantic (the wedding pics, not the kinky sex). AND you are a church-going Cmas fan. Wow, I am amazed and astounded, while picturing you with kinky Cmas ornaments on your tree. I cannot comment on balls of any type, including wrinkly, hairy, zombie-like or hanging. Nope, you can’t make me.
Contest Crap, because, yes, I need a copy of the book.
+1 for my comment
+1 For being a Follower of this blog
+1 for tweeting this baby.
You mentioned your are writing a YA book. Is this your first YA book? I have never read your work before.
I am a follower.
Yep. It’s under a pseudonym which I haven’t decided whether I’ll reveal just yet, since the novel isn’t finished and I’m writing it on “Spec” which means my agent will need to try and sell it afterward. I do have a YA short story coming in a big antho in the near future (2010/2011).