I have to say, this is the best contest I have ever run in terms of comments. You all made me laugh and cringe, and from now on I think I will be changing the way I run contests thanks to you! But you want to know if you won right? Well a special thanks goes to Dakota Cassidy for helping me judge the winners and for throwing in a THIRD prize! Now on with the show. The winners of the Worst Valentine or Date Story:

1st Place (2 Bags of Vampire Coffee & 4 Vampire Chocolates of their choice) goes to Qwill who said:

My absolute worst Valentine’s Day ever occured in 2004. It was the day my DH passed away. BUT it’s a great day to remember him. (Did I mention I am not overfond of Valentine’s Day.)

2nd Place (1 bag of Vampire Coffee & 2 Vampire Chocolates of their choice) goes to Jason who said:

Worst valentines- I’ve been with my partner for over 6 years now but on our first valentines day together, we came home from work and were planning to go out to dinner together. He checked the mail on the way in and found a card addressed to him. It was from his ex-girlfriend (he is bi) telling him that he had a child (2 months old) and they needed to talk. He freaked and needed time alone to think so I spent valentines day alone and worried that I was losing him. It all worked out and now we help raise his daughter.

3rd Place (A copy of Dakota Cassidy’s Accidentally Demonic or Kiss & Hell) goes to Liz (who damn near made me pee myself) who said:

Worst date ever? Go pee first, then read. Trust me.

So, this guy who was in my circle of friends asked me out after my divorce. I thought, hey, this will be a great way to get back into the dating game with someone I was already comfortable around. Apparently he was too comfortable around me b/c at dinner he proceeded to drink beer after beer after beer. Okay, no problem. The movie theater was within walking distance and he kept getting funnier so… First big mistake.

We arrive at the quaint little theater in this rejuvenated area of town that still served beer and pizza in the theater. My date proceeded to order a pitcher for himself. Then he turns to me and leers. “I heard this movie was sexy as hell.” I should have paid more attention to what we were going to see. Second big mistake.

So about halfway through “Sin City” my date passes out.

As the credits roll, I begin beating my date to try and wake him up. The lights come on and he finally stumbles out of his seat. I start walking towards the exit when I hear water hitting the floor. Thinking he’s spilled the rest of his pitcher, I turn around to find my date peeing across five rows of seats. I’m so stunned I can only stare and marvel at his coolness.

There’s no point counting the mistakes anymore because the hits just keep coming…

The manager of the theater walks into the theater, and I literally had to throw myself at him to distract him from the urinary festival. My date finally notices I’m about to leave with someone else and stumbles up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and slurring, “Let’s go for a walk, baby.”

Trying to sober him up, we walk up and down the shopping center promenade where several bistros have tables setup outside and people are bustling about. I keep getting these odd looks, but I figure it’s due to my drunken date stumbling around. He turns to me and again with the leer. “It’s getting chilly outside, isn’t it?”

I figure he’s still so drunk he thinks I’m gonna let him put his arm around me, so I shake my head in wonder. That’s when he wiggles his hips to get his point across. Yup. His itty bits are dangling out of his pants, now doing its own drunken dance to the jerking of his hips. At this point, my ex is starting to look good to me again.

I decide I’m going to steal his truck and drive myself home and leave his ass where it wiggles, so I start to stalk off toward the parking lot-which I have to pass through an alley to reach. My date thinks I’m eager to get him alone and proceeds to tell me in graphic detail all of the sexual things he’d like to do to me later as he tries to keep up with me. Of course, now I realize that all of his sexual “creativity” is born from scenes in the movie he’d apparently let seep into his subconscious while he was passed out. Yay me.

It’s been four years and I STILL haven’t set foot in that theater again yet I do run into my “date” every time all of our friends get together. He swears he has no memory of the evening. Lucky bastard.

Qwill, Jason & Liz please email me at: wickedlilpixie(AT)hotmail(DOT)com to give me your snail mail addy’s as well as your choices!

Thank you all for commenting, it’s nice to know we ALL have had a crappy date or not had one at all on Valentine’s Day.

Happy Valentine’s Day!