You all know my favorite topic to snark on is Twilight. From sparkles to the poor mimic attempts of Edward Scissor-hands, I just can’t hold myself back. Last night whilst being snarky on Twitter, I saw a flurry of Tweets about Details Magazine & R-Patz. Being all things Anti-Twilight, I didn’t look…but this morning I came across them in my online travels and HAD to post about them.

Let’s start with the cover. Hmm. Not too bad, though someone must provide this boy with a razor. The weak attempt at a beard/goatee isn’t doing it for me. He just looks well, like a bum playing dress up.

Moving right along, we come to this lovely photo.

Excuse me while I full on cackle, because I can’t help myself. From the chest hair, to the dirty pervert look in his eyes, it’s FABULOUS. Let’s say this all together: P-H-O-T-O-S-H-O-P. Say it will me, because it’s way obvious here and I couldn’t work photoshop if my life depended on it!

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. You know what, I’m not even touching this one. It’s just that terrible, the fur, the clothing & those spats. R-Patz cannot rock the spats.

I am not going to deny it my friends, this is HOT. See how much better this boy looks with a shower & a shave (and a blur). Model more than likely wouldn’t have wanted anywhere near R-Patz who admits he’s not the cleanest of clean. Either way, HOT. Those lips.

And then we come to this.

I lied, I can add strategically placed stars to cover nips. That’s all my talent right there people! I admit it, this truly one of the best pictures of R-Patz ever taken. I wouldn’t kick him outta the tub, nope I wouldn’t. I can’t snark on this at all. It’s just that hot. The photographer deserves mad kudos for turning this Pixie’s face into one of awe.

So yes, R-Patz can look really dirty and real hot..but really, I don’t wake up being cute neither do any of us. So I may have a little love left for R-Patz and I have the bathroom floor to thank for that. Read the article too, it’s umm interesting.