Last week I started Tweeting about the weird search terms i’ve seen people use to get to my website & trust me, there are some weird ones. I thought I’d share them with you all, for lack of something better to post today because I’m knee deep in interviews & reviews, on top of packing for the long weekend away from the City.

The Last 30 Days of Search Terms

Celldweller/Klayton - This one confuses me to no end. Klayton is the man behind Celldweller & happens to be the number one search topic here in the last 30 days. Funny, I can’t find a single post that mentions Klayton, but I do know who he is & while he writes music & letters to penthouse forum, he does not write books. He may even be the reason there’s Sin in the Bible, but he told me he didn’t write that either. Two things are for sure about Klayton – his music is awesome (Circle of Dust, anyone?) & he rocks a skirt better than I do. So, Klayton has been mentioned & I’ll even throw in a picture for good measure. See how nice I am?

Demonica Erotica – Sounds like a great band name or a clothing company.

Wicked Book Sex – I wrote it. Want a copy?

Goth Guys – While sometimes attractive, not something I’ve discussed here.

Zombie Pixie – Me without coffee. It’s a definition in the Dictionary, trust me.

Does smoochees sell fleshlight- I don’t know who smoochees is, but I am not it & I don’t sell them. But I do snark about Fleshlights & they follow me on Twitter. Yep, I’m proud. If I was a man, I’d own a ton of Fleshlights.

Fuck Me Shoes – I own them, but I don’t sell them here. And no, you can’t borrow mine.

What is the book where the serial killer – I shit you not, I have NO idea. But the thought scares me. Go away. FAST.

Fangs/Vampire Teeth/Cat Fangs - Okay, self explanatory…but no I don’t have fangs no matter who told you I did. I ain’t got em.

Latina reading romance book getting fuck – Yep, I haven’t the slightest clue in hell where that came from.

Twilight Condoms – A chick makes fun of a condom targeted to teens & they all flock here trying to buy them. Sorry ain’t got those either, but I bet they sparkle or maybe glisten.

Count Von Count- This would be THE Count from Sesame Street. Umm okay. 1 ah ah ah ah 2 ah ah ah ah yeah you get the picture.

Hairy Chest – Those of you who know me, know I DO NOT LIKE HAIRY CHESTS. So whomever ended up here because of it, sure came to the wrong site. *shudders*

Boy Chest Hair – Okay guys, so not cute. Boys don’t HAVE chest hair.

Mr Romance Song Writer: Excuse me while I keel over dead at the thought. Ugh. Really? *shudders*

And then we have Buzz, who laughed at some of my weird search terms & made it his mission to make them weirder including:

• Pixie Spanking <— shakes booty
• Chicken in my butt
• Demon chicken…in my butt
• Bad Taint

So there you have it. The last 30 days of mad search terms. Entertaining it is, isn’t it? I’m amazed no one found me through my most used twitter terms: Shank, Wig, Homeslice, Ugh & Unfollow.