I am sad to say that I had to pull out of going to AAD this year. As you all know, I’ve been battling some pretty shitty anxiety since March. While I am getting better then I was (I’m eating like a champion again), somethings are getting a bit worse. You know that I have always been open about this issue, so this part is no different. It sometimes helps to explain.

When I was diagnosed with panic disorder years ago, I was also diagnosed with slight agoraphobia. At the time, I had my first panic attack on the subway & started to avoid traveling on it alone. I also developed a public speaking fear that was pretty nasty, especially in my first year of police college. I ended up taking a job as a Court Clerk & it pulled me out of my fear since I had to conduct court for the Judge. Fun times.

Alas the agoraphobia has came back with a vengeance, so much so at times I can’t even get to the lobby to pick up my mail or go outside to the store. It’s the symptom attack that starts it all going (racing heart, shakes, feeling faint)  I’m conquering it one day at a time, but have asked my Dr for a referral to a clinic that works strictly with anxiety/panic….by using Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I tried the medication (I said I never would, but I did) & it seems to do nothing but put me to sleep & mess with my moods. The last day I took half a pill, I was a sobbing mess & said nope no more for moi.

Anyway, long story short…that is why I won’t be at AAD this year. I’m sorry that I won’t be attending, but you all understand health above all. Hell, I can’t walk out the door how do you figure I’m getting on a plane My partner in crime, Pam, will still be there. So make her feel welcome, or I’ll skype cut a bitch.

-Natasha aka Panic Chica