Keith Melton Guest Blog & Giveaway!

Humor is difficult to write. I find it far easier to write action scenes, full of adrenaline, explosions, and stark life/death situations rife with tension. The problem: humor or “what makes something funny” is often widely varying and individualized—very hit or miss with the audience. For example, I laugh at the Three Stooges. That stuff never gets old. Whereas my wife considers me the victim of the paint chip buffet table for my continual amusement over people accidentally getting smacked by 2x4s.

And after careful consideration, she may be right.

(Okay, you’ve read more than enough to be eligible to skip to the last paragraph where the Win Free Swag! information is stored. You may proceed free from guilt and with the blessing of the author.)

The humor in The Zero Dog War is far more zany than refined. What it lacks in highbrow quality I tried to make up for with good old-fashioned gusto. This book is meant to be fun. The other urban fantasy books I write have their share of action, serious character development, and elements of dark fantasy, drama, etc. But every once in awhile I need a break from the serious stuff, and thus I have a soft spot in my heart for the world of the Zero Dogs, where the crazy is over-the-top, where the villains are way over-the-top, and there are werewolves fighting zombies to save the world.

I would describe The Zero Dog War as one of those Airplane movies on paranormal crack. I’m not exactly certain what “paranormal” crack consists of…so it’s probably best we don’t dwell on the concept. I mean, we have a book where a necromancer uses the zombies he reanimates to work in a gelatin manufacturing plant. Quick! Your first reaction will be key. Did you say A) “Zombies? Gelatin? That sounds like a recipe for comedic gold!” or did you say B) “That, quite possibly, is the stupidest idea I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. Even stupider than stapling your tongue to a roll of stamps.” If your answer was A), you may like The Zero Dog War. If B), you may want to give this baby a pass.

(SKIP THE BLAH BLAH TO THE SWAG!)

Here is ye olde blurb:

The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.

Zero Dog Missions, Book 1

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.

With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.

As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.

Product Warnings

Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin.

Sound interesting? Well, it just so happens I’m giving away an autographed print copy of The Zero Dog War. This contest is international, and by definition that includes Canada (a little good-natured Canada humor to remind us all how the best maple syrup comes from New England). Just leave a comment to be entered. Comments can range from “This sounds funny!” to “This Melton guy sounds like an idiot, but I’ll gladly resell his book on eBay for coffee money” (Hell, I’d resell my book for coffee money because…it’s coffee) or the succinct, yet ever useful “+1.”

Links:

Samhain Publishing

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Sony

Kobo

Website

Contest Over! Congratulations BRENT!