Please welcome Paul to WLP. When I started talking to people about BDSM, Paul was one of the first Dom’s I spoke with. I’ve come to really like Paul, for his candid nature and openess with me. He’s given me plenty of food for thought and we both thought it best he explain to you all how he became a dom. This will be a series of guest posts, I hope you find them as honest and interesting as I do.
**Please note, there may be some explicit content. You were warned, so no whining.**
Of Love, Ropes & Breaking Myths (Part 1)
Could I write about it? I certainly can. I know all of this has a beginning – being a dom, a dominant male who is in love with all the aspects of alternative lifestyle. However, the most important aspect of being a dominant to me is not remembering the moment how it all started, rather how it evolved with time within me and believe me – it no less a learning for the dom than the sub. The idea is often misunderstood but I am fortunate to be in company with some really thoughtful people in the lifestyle who enriched me with their views. The journey towards this revelation was incredible for me. Today I choose to talk about all of it, as best I can recall it.
How it all started? You will perhaps find it funny if I said that all of it spawned from an erotica, published in a cheap porn magazine. However insignificant it may sound, it is of great importance when you come across something as a naive young boy and it forms a prominent streak of your character in days to come. There is an important aspect that I tell you about the story. The plot was set on a middle aged couple celebrating their anniversary where the husband brings home a handcuff for surprise and indeed it is. She smiles and says that if she had not known him for twenty years, she would probably not be game for it. Eventually she offers her wrists, and he does a hell lot of teasing like tickling with feather, some ice and finally some spanking too. Back then I took a deep pleasure in imagining the helplessness and squirming of the woman and it sparkled a wide range of shameless thoughts in me. Well, why I bring this up is entirely different and I am sure that you have not noticed it at all so far.
Lets go back to the story. Well, I am not really taking a class here, but to tell you what it was like to be a dom, it needs telling that something changed in me. The plot was simple. Two people were thrilled from the new adventure and for the sake of adrenalin, they took the next step forward and did a lot of things, which might have been a taboo before. This is all fine so far. But did you notice me telling that had she not known him for years, she would not give in to it. This one statement how crucial trust is in terms of a bdsm lifestyle. I didn’t notice it when I read the story first, but now when I look back all I see is trust takes precedence of all the thrill that is to come, though there is no denying that the tale of sheer lust the thrill can provoke. Perhaps we all know it more or less.
Reading that one story had a long lasting effect. In no time I hunted down all the stories I could find on the theme from internet and started gulping them. It surely acted as a mental food for the time being, but it really did not make me a dom. I was not free from the taboo, the guilt of enjoying something which was more of a forbidden fruit. I had a girlfriend but in spite of the fact that we shared almost any idea as instantly as it surfaced in our thoughts, it took me a good two years before I could tell her that I that I wanted to see her wrists together. Surprise was waiting for me. She said yes. She was vivacious and had a very outgoing personality but was not at all against the idea of me taking control in the bedroom. Since then I started realizing that personality traits form an important aspect of D/s relationship. However, even then, bdsm was all about the thrill of overpowering my partner, doing the teasing and yes to inflict a sweet and delicious pain. I was deeply engrossed in it, yet knowing very little that in years to come my concept about the whole thing is going to get changed in years to come. How? Wait for my next chapter.
© 2012 Paul for WLP