I saw these pictures seconds ago and my snark meter flew. I knew I couldn’t keep my typing fingers to myself.

Really ladies, tell me you don’t find that attractive. I can’t even begin to explain all the things wrong with that picture & his face. Ugh. Nope, there would be no way in hell I’d kiss those lips. What’s with the lazy eye thang?

The pose. The shoes. Oh good gawd, wtf is this. I love the suit, but really I’m disturbed. That pose is so overtly female, it hurts.

You all know my favorite topic to snark on is Twilight. From sparkles to the poor mimic attempts of Edward Scissor-hands, I just can’t hold myself back. Last night whilst being snarky on Twitter, I saw a flurry of Tweets about Details Magazine & R-Patz. Being all things Anti-Twilight, I didn’t look…but this morning I came across them in my online travels and HAD to post about them.

Let’s start with the cover. Hmm. Not too bad, though someone must provide this boy with a razor. The weak attempt at a beard/goatee isn’t doing it for me. He just looks well, like a bum playing dress up.

Moving right along, we come to this lovely photo.

Excuse me while I full on cackle, because I can’t help myself. From the chest hair, to the dirty pervert look in his eyes, it’s FABULOUS. Let’s say this all together: P-H-O-T-O-S-H-O-P. Say it will me, because it’s way obvious here and I couldn’t work photoshop if my life depended on it!

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. You know what, I’m not even touching this one. It’s just that terrible, the fur, the clothing & those spats. R-Patz cannot rock the spats.

I am not going to deny it my friends, this is HOT. See how much better this boy looks with a shower & a shave (and a blur). Model more than likely wouldn’t have wanted anywhere near R-Patz who admits he’s not the cleanest of clean. Either way, HOT. Those lips.

And then we come to this.

I lied, I can add strategically placed stars to cover nips. That’s all my talent right there people! I admit it, this truly one of the best pictures of R-Patz ever taken. I wouldn’t kick him outta the tub, nope I wouldn’t. I can’t snark on this at all. It’s just that hot. The photographer deserves mad kudos for turning this Pixie’s face into one of awe.

So yes, R-Patz can look really dirty and real hot..but really, I don’t wake up being cute neither do any of us. So I may have a little love left for R-Patz and I have the bathroom floor to thank for that. Read the article too, it’s umm interesting.